How To Avoid and Overcome Disputes | Five Tested and Proven Best Ways

Disputes, however they are resolved, whether through the courts of law or otherwise, the parties are obliged to compromise. Accordingly, both parties are often in a worse situation than they were before the dispute arose. Even if you do not make any concession for the sake of  a resolution, dispute is still going to cost you something, at least your time. That is why it is wise to avoid disputes and overcome them from the very beginning.

Below are Five proven and tested ways to avoid and overcome disputes: 

1) Learn how to listen: A good definition of listening is this; “Attention with the intention to understand the other person”  Listening is an act which communicates to another. Right now, I am here for you; no one else, just  you. I want to hear and understand what you want to say, I’m all yours. Listening is allowing the other person to set the agenda for the conversation, seeking to clerify his point of view. Ultimately, listening is helping the other person to understand himself better.

So, when I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advise, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling with my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to slove my problem, you have failed me. (strange as that may seem)

So please listen and just hear me out, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I will listen to you. 

We should all learn how to listen because almost all the conflicts we have today start when people fail to listen with understanding. One of the greatest gift you can give to sombody is your time. But do it for peace to reign. 

“Talking is sharing, but listning is caring”

2) Avoid bearing grudges or holding your anger for a long time:

 Answer this question: How heavy is a glass of water?

Answer: That depends on how long you have to carry it. For a minute, it’s not a problem, but after an hour, your hand must ache. But after 24 hours, you’ll probably be in a bad shape 

In each instance, the glass weighs exactly the same, but the longer you carry it, the heavier it feels. This is the same with grudge, it can get so heavy that it stops you from living, it destroys you more than the person you are holding it for. Almost all the disputes we have today are as a result of an accumulation of grudges. Learn to forgive and let go. 

3) Learn how to communicate: Nothing destroys a relationship like lack of communication.

Do not bury your concerns, speak them out. Let your opinion be made known to the other party. A problem is unlikely to go away until it is addressed. It is all too easy for positions to become entrenched; but this can easily be avoided by an early discussion and clearification of objectives and lines of demarcations. So often, disputes are created or maintained because there is no real discussion or deliberation over the issue.

It is wrong to make assumptions about the other person’s point of view and willingness to compromise which might be quite wrong. Establish communication and see what happens.  Be open and discuss openly.

4) Learn how to accommodate: This means to surrender one’s own needs and wishes to accommodate the other party. Because we live in a world where someone has to be blamed whenever something unfortunate happens to us; we need to be accommodating.

Accept it when you have made a mistake and say “SORRY”

Accept it when the issues are of more important to the others.

Accept it when you see that the issue will minimize loses when defeat is inevitable.

Accept it when you see that the issue will build goodwill for more important matters. 

Accept it when harmony and stability are particularly important. 

Accommodation may be misinterpreted as weakness, it may leave you feeling taken advantage of more especially if your accommodation is not appreciated. But on the other hand, it demonstrates that you are approachable, it may also be seen that you are generous and selfless. 

5) Avoidance: (“Run away from trouble if you can”  Kenny Rogers) Avoid disputes by simply ignoring the issue or changing the subject. This can be useful as a temporary measure to buy time, and in some minor issues, the problem can solve itself. 

Avoid situations when something is not significant or worth making the trouble.

Avoid it when the cost outweighs the benefit of reconciliation. 

Avoid it to allow the situation to cool down, especially when you see that others can solve the problem more effectively. 

Avoid it when you see the problem as a symption rather than a cause. 

People may see your avoidance as being disinterested, weak or rude, but on the other hand, it allows you to stay away from unnecessary hostility.