Why? when, and how to pursue a true reconciliation begins with understanding of the meaning. According to the webster’s dictionary, to reconcile means: to bring back to friendship, to adjust, to settle or to harmonise.
It will be incomplete to write about reconciliation without mentioning forgiveness. This is to say that forgiveness and reconciliation goes hand in hand,. In fact, forgiveness is the bed rock or the foundation where reconciliation is built.
Total forgiveness is painful, it hurts when we kiss revenge goodbye, when we see that the person who offended us is getting away with all they have done, and accept in our heart to let them go without any consequences imposed to them by us. In so doing, we are creating a room for reconciliation.
The Bible says “God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ ‘NOT COUNTING MEN’S SINS AGAINST THEM” (2nd Corinthians 5:19 Niv) You can see from the above verse that the bases of God’s reconciliation plan was on forgiveness, ‘not counting men’s sins…..’
For us to understand forgiveness and reconciliation deeply, let us take the story of Joesph and his brothers as a case study.
Twenty two years after betraying him and selling him into slavery, Joseph’s brothers stood before him. And now he is the Man; the Prime Minister of Egypt. How did he handle them? What would you have done if you were Joseph?
Joseph said “make everyone leave my presence”(Genesis 45:1 Niv) Why did Joseph make everyone leave the roon except his brothers? He want to reconcile with them, he want to make sure that no one would ever know about what they had done to him. He showed them love. “Perfect love drives out fear”(1 John 4:18 Niv)
What are you afraid of? That they will get away with what they did? You want them purnished so that you can tell on them and blab? When we do that, two things happen:
1) We step on God’s area because God said “It’s mine to avenge; I will repay” (Romans 12:19 Niv) Only God knows what caused them to do what they did and He knows whether they have changed.
2) We set the standard for our own judgment. “You will be judged in the same way you judged others”(Matthew 7:2). Can you live with that?, if not then read these words carefully:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave us” (Ephesians 4:32 Niv)
His brothers were not able to answer him because they were terrified at his presence. Then Joseph said to his brothers “Come close to me” (Genesis 45:3-4 Niv) Even though he holds their lives in his hands, Joseph approched his brothers with tears of compassion. He didn’t do six things we usually do when someone hurts us:
1) Keep them at a distance.
2) Remind them he was right and they were wrong.
3) Enjoy watching them terrified in his presence.
4) Laugh at their failure.
5) Demand that they recorgnise his success.
6) Say ‘I told you’ Did I not tell you?’
Joesph acted in a way that showed that he wanted to be loved, not feared. He wanted reconciliation and restoration. He understood that the long term benefits of forgiveness and reconciliation by far outweigh the short term satisfaction of revenge and bitterness. Joseph understood that by reconciliation and restoration, he was setting himeslf free to be blessed.
Isn’t this how God deals with us? “For you did not receive a Spirit that makes you fear, but the the Spirit of Sonship; and by Him we cry “Abba father” (Romans 8:15 Niv) The word Abba simply means Daddy! God doesn’t bring up our past, He doesn’t keep us at arms length because of our imperfection, No He want us to know that we can come to Him at anytime, crawl up into His lap, feel secured in His everlasting arms and call him Daddy. That is the kind of love and reconciliation God wants us to show to others, a love that dosen’t want them to feel afraid in our presence.
“Don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me”(Genesis 45:5 Niv) You can imagine their guilt as Joseph’s brothers stood before him, but Joseph said “It was to save life that God sent me ahead of you” (Genesis 45:5) Why do we make people feel guilty? because we forgot so easily the grace God gave us when we didn’t have a leg to stand on. If we forgive and reconcile, it help those who offended us to forgive themselves for what they did.
Paul found it difficult to forgive himself. He attacked the Church (See Galatians 1:3). After imprisoning and beheading and stonning Christains to death, he now preaches to them. And who were in the audience? the widows, the orphans, the brothers and sisters of those he killed. But he was able to write about reconciliation and God’s forgiveness. (See 2Corth. 9:19)
Joseph’s brothers listen in amazement as he says “It was God who sent me here not you” (Genesis 45:8) Is he serious? Did God do it? This takes forgiveness and reconciliation to a new level. With the full knowledge of their past mistakes and present struggle, he still covers them with grace.
You can make a friend for life and reconciliation concrete if you resist the temptation of reminding them of their mistakes. Joseph wasen’t being condescending or patronizing, and he wasn’t thinking “I will be admired for being so forgiving. No, during his years in prison, God operated on his heart and changed his attitude. So when he said “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20 Niv), he meant it, and that is reconciliation.
Not only did Joseph forgave his brothers, he anticipated their worst nightmare, having to go back to tell their father what they had done to him 22 years before. Joseph was a step ahead of them, he told them what to say and what not to say. Joesph knew that forgiveness and reconciliation dosen’t mean hurting others in the process.
(It would have been right for them to confess to their father what they had done and how they lied to him about Joesph, you may say) Really? Wouldn’t that have given the old man an even bigger problems — Struggling with regret over his lost years with his son, not to mention having to fight bitterness towards his other sons? Joseph was wise, and this made his brothers respect him the more. Hearts have been broken and lives totally messed up because of lack of forgiveness and reconciliation.
Seventeen years after the reconciliation, their father Jacob died, and Joseph’s brothers began to panic again. “When Joesph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said ‘what if Joseph holds grudge against us and pay us back for all the wrong we did to him” (Genesis 50:15 Niv) So they made a story and sent a message to Joesph saying’ Your father left these instructions before he died….. forgive your brothers the sins and wrongs they committed in treating you badly’ (Genesis 50:16 Niv)
Now, if their father had really said this, he wouldn’t have told Joseph’s brothers, he would have spoken to Joseph face to face before he died. When Joseph heard that his brothers doubted his forgiveness and reconciliation, he cried and told them …. don’t be afraid, I will provide for you and your children. He reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
RECONCILIATION IS A LIFE LONG COMMITTMENT, YOU MUST PRACTICE IT EVERY DAY UNTIL YOU GET TO HEAVEN
